it just is
she has cancer
my mother.
at first
it didn’t seem so bad
then
over the months
with each test
each treatment
the bad grew
to outweigh
the good.
it is hard
to imagine
life without
the woman who
gave you life
i have only known
the world
with mom
in it
i simply cannot
imagine it
without her.
watching
the cancer progress
helps
she is
being eaten away
from the inside
it is preparing me
for the day
she will not be here
at all.
most days
you can forget
and live as if
life were normal
though i am sure
she can’t
then something will
hit you
like a punch
in the stomach
like the ones
my brother
perfected
the unseen hurts
i look at
my mother
pleadingly
silently wishing
her
to make it right
but of course
she can’t
she is dying
and that is all there is to it.
nothing
can be done.
we bring her
treats
wine and scallops
are sorry consolation
for losing your life
but at this stage
creature comforts
are all she has
other than that
we try not
to cry
when we see her walk
as if her feet
were glass
we try not
to remember
the woman she was
spry
smart
present
before the cancer came
because
it hurts
too much
we will remember
after.
for now
it seems so little
a favour to do
to not react
when she
throws up
or messes
her pants
or tells
a story
for the
sixth time
she knows
ya know
she can tell
just like
she always knew
mom always knows
if she
gets a hint
she has told
the story
before
she will simply
stop talking
she has
her pride
then we will lose
what little
we have left
of her
and so
we bring
her treats
and listen
to her stories
as we
watch her
slowly
die
thankful
we get to say
i love you
one
more
time